Obituary Vanda Marie Stoner – San Anselmo, CA (1922-2024)

Known as Hon, Mother, Grandmother and GG, Vanda Stoner passed away peacefully at the age of 101 1/2 in her San Anselmo home of 71 years. She was born Vanda Marie Bartolomei in Castelvecchio di Compito, just outside Lucca, Italy, to Bruna and Annibale Bartolomei. She immigrated from Italy to the United States with her mother at the age of two to join her father, who had emigrated earlier. Vanda grew up in the neighboring towns of Half Moon Bay and Pescadero along the California coast. She often told stories of her childhood in those small farming towns. She grew up surrounded by animals and artichoke fields. Vanda told stories of being sent to one local store with a dime to buy milk for dinner because refrigeration was for the wealthy. Her dog met her every day outside the one-room schoolhouse in Pescadero and walked her home, where she had a lamb that was convinced it was a dog and slept on the porch. An only child, Vanda found pleasure in reading and drawing. Many of her childhood and teenage drawings are admired by her family today, and offer a glimpse into her childhood and creativity. She carried her love of reading with her throughout her life. The annual Chamarita Festival (celebration of the Holy Spirit) and parade in Pescadero were a constant in her childhood, and she often returned with her family years later to enjoy and share in the celebration. Even in her junior high years, Vanda loved to dance. She told stories of finding the best dancer in the room and having so much fun that other children joined in. In 1936, she moved to North Beach, San Francisco, where she attended Galileo High. After graduating, she learned the now-lost art of shorthand, with the goal of becoming a secretary. She worked in logistics for a trucking company, tracking all train shipments by phone and relying on accurate train times. Her sense of organization served her in this job and later in life when she worked for local school districts and in various school libraries. During the war, she spent many nights at supervised dance clubs and traveled with her girlfriends to dance halls in the Bay Area. She frequented the Stagedoor Canteen in San Francisco, clubs in the East Bay and as far north as Rio Vista on the Russian River and Hoberg’s Resort in Lake County. She met Edward Stoner at one such event in 1946 and fell in love with him and his ability to glide across the dance floor. In 1947, she married Ed, the best dancer in her life, and spent 48 wonderful years with him until his death in 1995. After living for a time in her parents’ basement apartment in San Francisco, they moved to Kentfield, where they raised their two daughters before being overrun. Vanda then told Ed they needed a house on a hill, and brought them to San Anselmo, where they added a son to the family and remained for the rest of their lives. She remained connected to her Italian family throughout her life, with several nieces and nephews moving to the West Coast of America, most from her hometown. Although her immediate family was small, she was happy to be part of the families of her sons-in-law and daughters-in-law. She was grateful for the hospitality they had shown her. Like many in the Bay Area, Lake Tahoe and Camp Mather (Yosemite) were important destinations for the Stoner family to make memories. Many summers were spent on the lake and in the mountains, enjoying generations of family togetherness. Summer trips to the lake remain a family tradition. One of her passions was bridge, which she learned from a neighbor. She spent many afternoons with the “Bridge Ladies” during the years of high-stakes card games, where the winner could walk away with as much as a dollar. While the wallet was important, the company was everything. She spent many years traveling throughout the US and Mexico with her bridge group after Ed passed away. She cherished those trips for the camaraderie. We are sure that playing so much bridge helped keep her sharp in her later years. In her last years with us, she was fortunate to have wonderful neighbors who would stop by to say hello with a warm smile and enjoy listening to her stories about dancing in the Bay Area, growing up on a farm in a very small town, and being single in San Francisco, but most of all, dancing. Vanda was an avid sports fan. It all started with Roller Derby, where she followed the San Francisco Bay Bombers. The Giants games were always on the radio in the 1960s and early 1970s, and the Warriors were watched as often as possible when they started winning championships (admittedly, she was a fair-weather fan). Her heart, however, was always with the Niners. She attended almost every home game from 1971 through 1996 and was known to sneak beer into Candlestick in her binoculars and also had a penchant for Yukon Jack in her hot chocolate, especially during games in December and January. She was a true “Niner Faithful” throughout her life. Attending track and field, basketball and volleyball games to watch her grandchildren play and be a part of their support team from the stands was an unexpected and cherished joy in her life. Vanda was preceded in death by her husband Edward and both daughters, Cynthia Barrett and Carol Pachorek (much too soon). She is survived by her son David (Teresa) of San Anselmo, sons-in-law Bill Barrett of Santa Rosa and Bob Pachorek of San Diego. Vanda was fortunate to have six grandchildren in her life; Zach (Jolie), Seth, Elizabeth (Adam), Hannah (Mike), Melanie and Eric as well as four great-grandchildren with one more on the way. Our family is forever grateful to the wonderful people at Hospice by the Bay. Vanda’s caregivers, Dee and Lome, who both came into Vanda’s life in her last few months, gave Dave and Teresa tremendous support and compassion and made Mom’s wish to remain in her home “until the end” a reality. A small family celebration was held this summer. Donations can be made in her name to Hospice by the Bay. Vanda and her family were often in awe of what happened in the world during her 101 years. So much progress, so much innovation and automation, including learning to use an iPhone at age 91! Through all those years, no matter what the world changed, family was the constant. Vanda, Mom, Grandma and GG, you will be missed by all.